I Fell In and Out of Love

My Labour party membership was due for renewal in September-08. My partner, being a Labour Councillor and for whom I have enormous respect, was on my case to renew but I couldn't. You see, I had fallen out of love.

I grew up in a true blue Tory household, with a father who cast his aspirational vote for whoever wore the blue rosette. As a small business owner he felt that he had risen above the Labour vote that he had been brought up with, bettered himself and to vote Tory was proof of his success.

Politics was never a major part of our lives, Thatcher was elected when I was too young to understand or care much and all I knew was that it was good, because that is what I heard. My Dad was the worst kind of Tory snob, actually working class but in total denial. A well-practised 'Oxford accent' for when he met new people and upon first answering the telephone and he never went anywhere without a shirt and tie. He considered all Labour politicians to be "thick" (I think that was because they mostly spoke with regional accents) and the Tory's were the only ones who could be trusted to run the country. The miners were all rough troublemakers who the government had to crush and Scargill needed to be put in his place. So, you get it. I was brainwashed Tory from birth.

Politics passed me by and I didn't even rush out to vote when I turned 18. I eventually cast my first vote in a local election, probably in about 1993 and yes, I voted Conservative.

My transformation into a Labour voter began very gently, with John Smith. Even my Mom liked John Smith, I think almost everyone did. When he died so suddenly, Tony Blair picked up the reins and continued to guide me towards the left. I was full of the heady excitement that new romance brings, I loved Labour and what it stood for, I gladly shouted my love for the left and stood up to my parents in the face of their disapproval towards my new infatuation.

I joined the labour party shortly after the 1997 election. I was proud to be a card-carrying member and was proud of what Labour achieved once in power. I debated politics gladly, I enjoyed nothing more than a good discussion on the merits of the minimum wage, the advances in healthcare and particularly in trying to demonstrate to my parents that, as pensioners, they were so much better off under Labour.

My first major crisis of faith came in 2003. Yes, you know what I am going to say don't you? At the time, I was undecided about whether we should invade or not, which is unusual for me, being quite a strong, opinionated woman. I was however, certain that we should not go in without UN approval. Then, I discovered that, not only was the majority of the country against the invasion, the majority of the Labour party was against it too. The absolute lack of democracy shocked me; the constituencies had absolutely no voice.

My second crisis of faith, also in 2003, was student top up fees. I was a student at the time and knew just how much this would hurt normal working class families and affect the opportunities of some students when it came to higher education. There is no place for a market in education and this policy was turning the whole arena into just that.

There have been many more crises since then, particularly SOCPA and ID cards, I will never voluntarily apply for an identity card and to suggest that we will beat terrorism in this way is frankly ridiculous. I won't list everything that Labour has done to annoy me, that would take a long time and already this blog is longer than I wanted it to be!

There are many who say that we need to stick with the party, reclaim it and make it the socialist defender of the working people that it once was. But how are we to do this, if the hierarchy refuse to even engage with the consituencies. It is difficult to have a debate at party level, the branch meetings can debate and argue policy until they are blue in the face but who listens? At the 2004 conference, a campaign was begun that aimed to reinstate democratic processes within the party, ultimately it achieved very little, Blair had no interest in giving grassroots members more power and the conference again was little more than a glitzy PR show.

The argument for reclaiming the Labour Party at grassroots level is weak. The Labour government and Labour party has lost so many members now that there are only a fraction left to reclaim it. By defending the position of 'sticking it out' so we can build it back up, we are preventing the natural and necessary death of 'New Labour'. There is no genuine, widely appealing, socialist alternative. The electorate are often heard saying that politicians are "all the same", this is because they are all trying so hard to be popular, that they are filling the same ground with their bland, try-to-please-everyone policies, except New Labour are even getting that wrong.

While this continues, the parties who offer a genuine alternative will continue to grow. More seats will be won by parties at the fringes of acceptability and the Conservative party - who changes its message so often that everyone eventually hears something they agree with - will prosper. There is a void, an empty chair at the dinner table, it is where Labour used to sit.

I have come a long way from the naive girl who gazed adoringly at her new love. For this, I really owe a huge debt of gratitude to Blair, he was the main driving force behind my embarking on this journey and to my joining Labour. The problem was, he stopped driving to the left but I carried on. For this I feel enormous resentment towards him and to the party hierarchy who enjoyed power too much and allowed him to do it.

In the end, I renewed my membership. I continue to vote Labour because I can't in my heart put that 'X' anywhere else. I genuinely believe that in my local area, Labour is the best option - probably because they are all 'Old Labour'. Still, it's July and in a few short weeks, September will be upon us and that renewal notice will again drop onto the mat. Who knows what will happen this time.