Tomorrow, there will be a televised debate on Sky, between the Labour Leadership contenders.
Perhaps we should let Sky run all our elections from now on. Although, they certainly seemed to dictate the last one, and look where that got us!
We could all tune in for special Sky Election Events, a Gladiators special, where the candidates face off against Oblivion, Spartan and Battleaxe, before a final showdown between the two who make it to the eliminator. The winner gets a primetime three-minute broadcast to convince us to give them our votes, while backstage, Konnie Huq consoles the losers, Live on Sky Two, 'Election Extra'.
Simon Cowell could get in on the act too, how about Britain's Got MP's where the candidates appear before a special panel of judges, featuring Adam Boulton, Jon Snow and, (as ever) Cowell himself. If one turns up in a dodgy outfit, Cowell could give us his expert analysis "I know politics is showbiz for the ugly, but do you think that frock would cut it on the floor of the Commons? On the positive side, lovely speaking voice. Seriously, you'd be better off in a call centre."
If one of the candidates dared confront Boulton with a challenge to his opinion, we could see a tantrum better than anything Sharon Osbourne ever pulled off. His face would turn even more puce than usual, he'd splutter and gesticulate until he keeled over and Alastair Campbell would be called in as a temporary guest judge.
In the early heats, Vince Cable could shuffle on and deliver his monologue, while the judges roll their eyes and eventually Cowell holds up his hand, "Vince, I'm hearing what you say but I'm not feeling it. Do you have a back up songsheet to sing from? One that is a polar opposite to that one?"
When Dermot O'Leary announces the arrival of Same Difference, the audience is agog, as out walk Cameron & Clegg, singing a painful version of 'I Got You Babe'. They are allowed to get almost all the way through but then Cowell stops them, points to Clegg and says "You aren't bad but I think he's holding you back, would you like to come back and audition on your own?"
On the other hand, why don't we save ourselves the trouble and just phone Rupert as soon as any election is called and he can tell us who's won straight away.
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